I try to rationalize my current artistic state as best I can every time I think about what I’m doing…or not doing. Which is often. Its not really a “me” problem so much as my situation has been in transition for over a year now.
The transition? A creative career.
Don’t get me wrong, my new job is awesome and if anyone asks, I’m quick to characterize it as “the job I’ve been training myself for since middle school.” I love my job (corny…I know but, its true). And it affords me the financial stability to see a nice future for myself.
But, as many artist will attest to, It leaves little creative room for my fine arts after hours.
An more times than I would like to admit, the couch and the reruns on cable look pretty good on most nights during the week.
After a day designing on the computer and thinking of color, text, shapes and pixels in attempts to make an image that not only I’ll like, but one my account manager will like (and his client will love!) its sometimes hard to shift into “painter mode” and create something where the primary tool is a brush not a mouse and monitor. Its easy to forget your creative spirit is with you when you leave the office.
Hey there cable! What do want to show me today?
In all honesty, I was already designating a good portion of 2013 as a “hiatus” year, so this low point is only temporary. I have a few major projects going on at home that are going to make things work for the better in the long run. One of which is converting my outdoor shed with the collapsed roof into a studio.
The pull create is still there…so much so that at times it feels a little hard to breathe. When this pseudo-psychotic impulse of creativity hits, I become a scatterbrain. Ideas and projects burst inside my head with full knowledge that most of them will never become anything.
For instance, the latest project I’ve immersed myself in is shooting video clips of trains
and trains and trains (a stupid amount of train shooting) lights and whatever else I find
mildly interesting on my daily lunchtime walks.
The project is to shoot everything in digital black & white.
The project goal? I have no f#*kin’ idea….at all.
The only thing I know is I like shooting videos and stills, but that’s as far as I can go with explaining why I’m doing it. There’s a final project somewhere buried in the back of my mind, there’s the poetry I’d like to add to the video these clips might find themselves in and then there’s the guitar music I practice, so that’s where the soundtrack comes into play (excuse the pun.) But, given I hate the way my voice sounds on tape and I’m still yet to learn cords, I’m no closer to finishing this project than I was in October 2012 when I thought this thing up….sux.
I’m guessing I’m going to have to deal with this low-energy flow of creativity outside of the office for at least a while longer. In the meantime, the studio will be completed, the videos will be stored on the hard-drive and the “pseudo-psychotic impulse” will have to keep nagging me with full understanding that its only a temporary thing.
Thanx for viewing.